


dreamland

by rahmiel



Category: Mushishi
Genre: (somewhat) established relationship, Brief Visits, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Lent et douloureux, M/M, Smoking, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rahmiel/pseuds/rahmiel
Summary: There’s nothing quite like those few moments of quietness before the knock; a quietness so quiet, it rivals the one of the forests, the mountains and the deepest reaches of the sea—a quietness so potent, it may as well be Mushi’s fault. It is, in fact, only the stuttering of Ginko’s heart that causes it, the falter in his usually measured confidence, the ripple in his calm. It is, of course, Adashino’s fault.
Relationships: Adashino/Ginko (Mushishi)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	dreamland

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luftballons99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luftballons99/gifts).



> the line "You could belong here if you wanted to, Ginko" is credited to luftballons99. ser, i don't know why i've fixated so much on this, but thank you for drawing that kiss, because it inspired me to watch mushishi in the first place. i hope you like this :-)
> 
> set right after "The Sleeping Mountain", episode 11.

Ginko knows that, in a way, he was jealous of Mujika—he even admitted it out loud, in those desperate few moments before the Kuchinawa took the Master. As he stands once again on Adashino’s doorstep, he knows debating with himself is useless, because Adashino expects him. It’s only the awareness of this that makes Ginko lose the battle with himself every single time. The worst part of it all is that Adashino forgives him. 

Adashino always forgives Ginko for coming back.

There’s nothing quite like those few moments of quietness before the knock; a quietness so quiet, it rivals the one of the forests, the mountains and the deepest reaches of the sea—a quietness so potent, it may as well be Mushi’s fault. It is, in fact, only the stuttering of Ginko’s heart that causes it, the falter in his usually measured confidence, the ripple in his calm. It is, of course, Adashino’s fault. 

By the time he gets his bearings back, Adashino has come outside. It’s over in an instant, the world rushing back to Ginko’s senses as he takes a breath that feels like his very first one, always, whenever he lays eyes on Adashino. Ginko’s eyes involuntarily trail towards Adashino’s ink-stained hands, one of which nonchalantly rests against the wooden wall, the other wringing Adashino’s robe, betraying the man’s surprise and nervousness. Ginko’s heart thumps in his ears. He smirks, so he doesn't have to speak. 

“What brings you here, Ginko? It hasn’t been that long since we last saw each other,” Adashino says, moving to sit on the stairs in front of which Ginko’s standing. Ginko sits down next to him, their shoulders touching. He lights a cigarette, takes a deep drag, gazing out into the distance—the landscape has not changed much. 

A light nudge on his shoulder makes Ginko look at Adashino, only peripherally, refusing to turn his head. They both like playing indifferent, at least at first, if only to calm their jittery nerves. 

“You have something for me?” Adashino says, and Ginko can hear the smile in the other’s voice. It tugs at the corners of his mouth until they twitch upwards. He can almost hear his own heart ripping to shreds. 

“I felt like visiting,” Ginko admits, his eyes roving over the distant mountain peaks. There’s an unspoken echo of the words he both dreads and constantly yearns to say.  _ I missed you. _

Adashino’s breath hitches. He gets up, a warm hand momentarily resting on Ginko’s shoulder. It burns into Ginko’s skin, an imprint left there even after Adashino has gone inside. It’s an invitation. 

Ginko accepts it. 

It’s always like this, so tender it hurts. Though Adashino is often tongue-in-cheek, even with his patients, in these shared moments he never lets that slip through. Instead, he is reverent.

Adashino kisses between Ginko’s shoulder blades, down his spine, the side of his hip and even the back of Ginko’s thighs. Ginko trembles under the attention, each moment more painful than the last; each moment bringing him closer to saying things he should never say, lest he hurts both of them even more. He sighs, trying to release some of the tension, and Adashino backs away.

When Ginko turns to look at Adashino the other is sitting on his haunches, calmly observing. With one arm, Ginko beckons Adashino closer.

Their lips mold together over and over again, a motion that slowly and painfully cuts into Ginko’s soul, right in that Adashino-shaped hole made deeper each time Ginko comes to visit. It’s bottomless. When he looks at Adashino Ginko’s expression betrays nothing, but Adashino rests their foreheads together as Ginko wraps his legs around his companion, and it's enough. They say nothing with words but say everything nonetheless. 

Adashino is beautiful and radiant, almost as if the life force flowing through him is visible to Ginko’s eyes. In these shared moments, Ginko almost feels beautiful too. 

A multitude of sighs and a cigarette later, Adashino has fallen asleep, arm stretched over Ginko. Ginko can’t move. For someone who constantly travels, it’s laughable how little strength he has against Adashino’s bigger, heavier form. It may just be the fact that Ginko’s  _ unwilling _ to move. He doesn’t want to give this illusion up. 

He stays awake for hours, Adashino’s slow breaths filling the silence.

“So, how long do you plan on staying?” Adashino asks in the morning, rice in his mouth. In the absence of any onlookers, Ginko reaches out to wipe something nonexistent from Adashino's face, and gets a gentle smile in return.

“Maybe one more day,” Ginko answers. “Who cooked this?”

“I did. It’s good, isn’t it?” 

Ginko, in slow motion, mimes being sick at this revelation. Adashino rolls to his side laughing. 

“I know it is, now. Ah, can’t you stay longer than that?” 

Their eyes meet. “You know I can’t. Any longer, and…”

“I know.” Adashino sighs, his lips twisting in a bittersweet expression. “I’m glad you visited so soon, don’t get me wrong. But does that mean I won’t get to see you for another three months?”

Ginko shakes his head, looking away. His hand twitches, searching for nicotine relief. Before he's even moved to get them, Adashino takes a cigarette from his own pocket and holds it out for Ginko to take. He does, perplexed, and Adashino just grins. 

"I rolled some for you," Adashino says. "So you don't forget me on your travels, Ginko."

"I… I couldn't," Ginko replies, taken aback. He accepts the cigarette and fumbles with the matches in his shaky hands. He takes a grateful drag, even though his compulsion is not the cause of such shakiness. "I won't be gone for that long. Not unless something happens."

Shrewd, Adashino leans forward. "Did something happen now?" 

After a heartbeat of contemplation, Ginko looks back at Adashino. His robe is slipping from his shoulder and his hair is mussed. The monocle is missing. Despite his best efforts, Ginko loves.

"Something reminded me that I want to stay," he manages. "But I can't."

At this, Adashino moves unbearably close. His breath ghosts over Ginko's face. "You could belong here if you wanted to, Ginko."

Although neither says it outright, they understand. 

They kiss, the cigarette Adashino rolled dangling from Ginko's fingers. It feels like everything all at once. 

His backpack is unusually heavy, this time around. It's like his body is refusing to be torn apart from Adashino once more. Adashino's words echo in his head as he looks at the man standing before him. 

"Next time you come, bring me something. Don't think I let you stay here just because," Adashino lies. 

Ginko smiles. "And if I can't find anything?" 

"Try finding yourself, Ginko," Adashino says and goes inside, not looking back. 

Ginko turns and walks. He walks through the forest until the heaviness of the trees matches the heaviness of his heart; he walks until the sky is dark and there are stars in the sky. 

It's only then that he looks up to them and whispers, "For you, I'll try."

**Author's Note:**

> pls give me attention on [tumblr](https://staniruka.tumblr.com/) ^^


End file.
